With a little help from my friends

on love and vulnerability

This Christmas I am staying on the couch per my doctors recommendations. Someone brought an upper respiratory virus to the company Christmas party and I was an unknowing receiver. This Chritmas Eve I have had to cancel plans and re-book parties and ask for more help than I have asked for in a long time. I don’t love it. It makes me feel vulnerable and needy, it reminds me that this world would keep spinning without all the effort I put in every day to get the world to keep spinning.

And also I do love it. I love watching the people at work who are healthy step into bigger roles and their best selves. I love watching the thirteen year old put swiper the fox into the nativity and move it ever closer to baby Jesus because I have said I am not getting up and they think it is very funny. (Swiper! No swiping Baby Jesus.) I love watching community come around people and help them. Sometimes the them is me.

A guy in my small group at church got this idea to collect a whole bunch of gifts for the people who sleep outside of our church. He didn’t want anyone to be without at least a small token this Christmas. But then it all sort of snowballed and he had to ask people for help if he was going to pull this all off. SO he did, and we did. And it was chaotic but fun and the shots of the give away are pretty great. I know it is scary to ask for help but I am glad he did.

Love is a tricky one because in order to receive love you have to be a little bit exposed. It is like when my dog wants her belly rubbed and also does not want her belly in the air. I get it. I feel that. Vulnerability is hard. It can be costly. It is always a risk. The world tells you we get love by EARNING it. This is…a lie. We get love be receiving it. That part can be harder than we want it to be.

I cannot imagine how vulnerable Mary must have been. She gave birth at a distant in-laws, in a manger/their guest room. Probably she had a midwife or two with her, but in the midst of labor is not how I would want to meet anyone for the first time. I am one of those women who describes birth as gorgeous and powerful. I loved it. Still, I was pretty vulnerable. My body was going to deliver those babies with or without my help. The people around me kept me focused and safe. Reminded me that I could in fact lean on them. They saw my soft animal belly, and called it good. The helped me usher in new life by holding that vulnerability.

Was Mary met with grace and dignity? Was she recieved well? Was she told she was brave and doing a great job? I hope so. I hope she was loved well in those moments.

I see more vulnerable moments from people as a bar manager than I did as a pastor. I also think this is a tragedy. People these last two weeks have been so raw. They are tired. They are scared. They do want to go see family. They don’t want to go see family. They wish things were different. They are trying their best. They are very afraid that if they show that soft belly, it won’t be well received. They really need love.

I wish there was a neater bow on this. It is Christmas eve, and yet I don’t have everything wrapped up. When vulnerability is acknowledged and met with dignity, when our most tender selves are honored and met with love, I think Jesus is there. I want it to happen more.